So, yesterday, I was asked to speak in church about my mission and such. I know that many of you (cough, Grammy, cough) wanted to know what I said! :) So, below is the blog-ified version of my talk. I am very grateful that I had the opportunity to speak! :)
* * *
Last
year ago this time, I was living in Logan, Utah going to Utah State and
beginning my mission papers. I remember the day that I met with my bishop and
decided to start the process. I remember literally skipping home to my
apartment that night in the dark, absolutely elated that I had been so blessed
to have been able to begin the first steps toward my mission.
A
couple of weeks later, I had an experience that very suddenly and strongly
impressed me that I needed to transfer to BYU-Idaho. I had been accepted into
both schools and had gone to Utah State because I couldn't start at BYU-I until
January. I hadn't thought much of it. I really liked Utah State and had no
intentions of leaving. However, I soon learned that the Lord had different
plans in store for me. So with that began the insane whirlwind of packing my
things, desperately trying to find housing at the then-crowded BYU-Idaho, and
calling teachers begging them to let me into their
already-full-with-a-zillion-students-on-the-waitlist-classes. And on top of
that, this was all happening during the week before finals at Utah State.
So
in January, I started at BYU-Idaho. Everything miraculously fell into place. I
was incredibly blessed and had a wonderful semester filled with new adventures
and new friends. I took an incredible mission-prep class, with an even more
incredible teacher. I learned so many things that semester and became much
closer to my Heavenly Father. In February I was able to fly home to open my
mission call and I found out that I would be going to Cleveland, Ohio. I was
beyond excited and the next months went by quickly.
In
April I came home and I spent the next few weeks preparing for my mission. I
also was able to go through the Denver temple, which was an incredible
experience. I gave my farewell talk at the end of April the day before I turned
nineteen. I can honestly say that was one of the very happiest days of my life.
In
May I left for the MTC in Provo! It was a whirlwind twelve day experience. I
couldn't believe that it had been less than two weeks, it felt like much longer
and never in my life had I grown so much in such a short period of time. We flew
to Ohio near the end of May and the real fun began. I met my companion, Sister
O'Driscoll, and found out that I would be going to an area called Massillon. The whole time I was there I was
keenly aware that my friends and family were at home calling it Mass-ih-lawn.
As
soon as I arrived in Ohio, I felt like I was home. I could feel the spirit in
the air and the energy in the ground. Northeastern Ohio is a very sacred place,
filled with so much Church History and spiritual revelations recorded in the
Doctrine and Covenants. When I began to meet people there, especially those in
my area, everything just clicked. I loved being a missionary and I had a great
companion. There were many days when I felt like we could conquer the world,
and share the gospel with everyone,
everywhere with no trouble at all. It was wonderful. One of the greatest things
that I was able to experience was seeing the Light of Christ, given to all men,
in the eyes of everyone that we came in contact with. Doctrine and Covenants
section 84, verse 46 says, "And the Spirit giveth light to every man that
cometh into the world; and the Spirit enlighteneth every man through the world,
that hearkeneth to the voice of the Spirit." Everyone has goodness
in them, and everyone needs the Savior, Jesus Christ. Some people are quick to
accept His gospel, others take more time. But every single person on this
planet at one point chose to follow Him, to follow His gospel, and chose to be
here. The most incredible feeling in the world is reminding others that they
are a child of God and that He loves them infinitely. Helping them remember and
getting to see the joy that it brings to them when they do, brought so much joy
to me and I am so grateful that I had that opportunity.
Though
most of the time things were wonderful, there were also many challenges. My
companion, Sister O'Driscoll, had a lot of trouble breathing that came back a
few weeks after I had arrived. It was scary watching her frequently gasp for
air and not knowing what I could do to help her. Eventually, after many doctors
visits, she got better. It was only a few days after she had started feeling
well that I got sick. It started out mild and then got much worse until I was
completely debilitated and in constant pain. After many Priesthood blessings, a
couple of trips to the E.R. and many doctors appointments, I still was not
getting better. I had been sick for a few weeks when those around me stopped
nudging and started practically pushing me to go home. I wasn't having it. I
absolutely loved my mission, even through the struggles and trials, and there
was absolutely no way that I was leaving. They even let me call my mom one day,
something that a couple of months earlier I would have begged to do. The
conversation was short and it consisted mainly of me tearfully insisting that I
would not come home. My heart was in Ohio. Many pieces of my heart are still
there.
Through
all of this protesting, I was quietly noticing the nudge from Heavenly Father,
telling me that it was okay to go. That it was the right thing to do. That I
needed to go home. Finally, one day after another conversation with my mission
president and her wife , I went in my bedroom alone and got down on my knees
and prayed to know if I should go. The
answer came as a peaceful, powerful, and resounding YES. I knew the answer before
I was hardly into my prayer at all. I accepted it and then felt so much peace.
That decision did not come easy, it was a decision one hundred times harder than
choosing to leave all that I knew for a year and a half to come to Ohio.
Leaving was hard. But it was the right thing.
Though
I know that I have not lived long on this Earth, I have learned in ways that
have solidified it to be completely absolute in my soul that I will trust God
and his will always. Even if that
means going to a school in a state that I have rarely been in, knowing not a
soul. To packing up and leaving to spend a few short months at a different
school, knowing very few people. If it means traveling across the country
knowing no one and serving a people whom I know nothing about. And even if it
means picking up my heart that had become attached to those very people and
going back across the country to battle an illness that has still gone
undiagnosed, I will do it. No matter what it is, I will always do it.
From
a talk given in November 1995, Elder Richard G. Scott said, "When you face adversity, you can be
led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask,
Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What
have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no
good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What
am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom
am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing
sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very
hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy
will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive
the maximum help from your loving Father.
This life is an experience in
profound trust—trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in
our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness
now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to
obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Prov. 3:5–7). To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more
powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and
experience.
To exercise faith is to trust that
the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your
eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We
are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us
here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all. When you pass
through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He
will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a
time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that
comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately
resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and
His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a
moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit
or for that of those you love."
When we face our trials with the
attitude of Isaiah who says, "Also, I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here Am I, Send Me,"
trusting in and following God's will becomes easy and nearly second nature. By
doing so, we bring blessings upon us and
those around us. I have never once regretted an unexpected or
uncomfortable decision that I made because I knew it was what God wanted me to
do. Everything has always turned out much
better than I could have possibly imagined.
Each
of us has different paths in life that we must take. Through trusting in the
Lord and praying for guidance, then frequently taking a leap of faith, often
into something that seems like a cloudy pool of frigid water, we become closer
to God. We learn to rely on Him and we come to learn and remember our purpose
here on this earth. He knows of paths for us that will bring us many blessings
that we could not obtain on our own. He is always on our side.
In
3 Nephi, right before Christ appears in the Americas, chapter 11 verse 3 says,
"And it came to pass while they were thus conversing one with another,
they heard a voice as if it came out
of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the
voice which they heard; and it was
not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and
notwithstanding it being a small voice
it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part
of their frame that it did not cause to quake; yea, it did pierce them to the
very soul, and did cause their hearts
to burn." What comes to mind most often when reading or talking about this
scripture is that the voice was a small voice. However, I think that this
scripture is also a perfect example of how you can hear promptings from the
Holy Ghost, but nothing will happen until you take that leap of faith, trust
God, and allow the prompting into your heart.
I
have a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. He is the Savior of the
world; He is the Savior of each one of us. Each day that I come closer to Him,
my joy and love for life and others increases. I am so grateful for Him and I
am grateful for our loving Heavenly Father who allowed Him to come. I know that His gospel has been restored in
its completeness and perfect truthfulness on this earth today and Joseph Smith
was and is a true prophet of God. I am grateful for the living prophet Thomas
S. Monson who leads and guides Christ's church through His guidance today. I am
grateful the many blessings that I have in my life, and I am grateful to have
been blessed with so many wonderful friends and family. Most importantly, I am
grateful for my Savior, Jesus the Christ. I say these things in the name of
Jesus Christ, amen.
